July 29, 2004: It's my first puppet show! Hooray!

Disclaimer: All characters in the show belong to Marvel et al. Most of the sprites and the original text of Goblin Lead Them belong to InterNutter. The Rahne, Jubilee, Sam, Bobby, and Roberto sprites belong to me, as do the words of the following parody.

Goblin Lead Them: Puppet Show Version

	Logan: Hey, bubs. Let's have a training exercise. Even though I don't need a reason to call one, I'm going to ask why we're here.
	Jamie: Because Amara is a villainess.
	Rahne: What? What did she do?
	Jamie: Never mind, it's a reference to another story.
	Logan: Enough commentary. We're going to hunt down breakfast.
	Jubilee: No! My vegetarian sensibilities are offended!
	Logan: Ha-ha, just kidding. Elf, where are you?
	Kurt: I have chalk. PH34R me.
	Logan: You wish. Bubs, you PH34R him. Elf, PH34R the bubs. Does everyone understand the rules?
	Ray: ...
	Logan: Good. Off you go, Elf.
	Kurt: Vamoose!
	Logan: Look, pretty dirt patterns. Let's study them quickly.
	Amara: Are we cheating already?
	Jubilee: *Now* you're concerned with the rules?
	Rahne: Huh?
	Jubilee: Never mind...
	Logan: Now, which one of these three pictures is the Elf?
	Rahne: The one that smells funny?
	Logan: Eh... never mind that one. Popsicle?
	Bobby: The one with the caption in German? 'Die Huhnchen'?
	Logan: That's a chicken, you moron.
	Roberto: If you turn that inkblot upside-down, it looks exactly like Kurt! Um... sort of...
	Sam: I think that's a coffee spill...
	Logan: All right, this scene has gone on long enough. Fireball, you're swingin' on the flippety-flop.
	Amara: I'm doing *what*?

	*Scene Change!*
	Ororo: Hank, what is under that doily?
	Hank: *snicker*
	Ororo: Oh my...
	Hank: Oh my what?
	Ororo: Er... that tree just caught fire.
	Hank: Astounding.
	Kurt: Too bad for Body Double #1!
	Ororo: One of these days, we're going to review that list of things you may never do.
	Kurt: Was hiring cannon fodder by promising large sums of money I never intend to pay due to said employee's premature death on there?
	Ororo: ... It is now.
	*Scene Change!*
	Amara: Bouncy bouncy! Look at my brains splatter!
	Logan: Aaah! Somebody call the fire department!
	Ray: My self-esteem is eroded by constant demerits...
	Amara: Alas, I am slain.
	Logan: No you're not. 'Berto, you're illin' wit' yo' home-dogs.
	Roberto: Say that again and I'll hit you with this big stick.
	Sam: Whoa! We're in a forest!
	Logan: Good job! Five points to Hufflepuff!
	Roberto: Look, it's Alanis Morisette!
	Logan: Quickly, Sparky, decipher her lyrics!
	Ray: I can't!
	Logan: Aaaah! Hurry!!!
	Ray: Duck and cover!
	Logan: Eh, too late. You're dead.

	Amara: Whoa! A perfect replica of the Mona Lisa, created using only red chalk on spandex!
	Roberto: Can I sell that?
	Ray: Dig my sexy chest.
	Logan: Go away.
	Ray: Uh... I'm the Walrus. Yay for me.
	*Scene Change!*
	Rogue: Where did I come from?
	Ray: Who cares? I'm dead and eating and staring at a babe!
	Kitty: I like, like like, licking like, lollipops, and they like totally taste totally terrific, you know?
	Ray: I didn't just hear that.
	Kurt: You didn't notice me hiding under the table either.
	Kitty: Kurt! I'm surprised and happy to see you!
	Kurt: Die.
	Kitty: Kurt, why?
	Kurt: The hero's girlfriend always dies.
	Kitty: But... awww.
	Rogue: I want to appear again, so I'll make inappropriate sound effects.
	*Scene Change!*
	Rahne: Well, that's slightly malodorous.
	Logan: Oh no! A nose injury! Rin, go to the field hospital!
	Rahne: I'm fine...
	Logan: Um... right.
	Roberto: Hey! I've just discovered oil!
	Sam: Rob, that's gasoline. You're under the X-Van.
	Roberto: YEEEEE-HAAA!!!

	Logan: Aw, now what was that for? Now Elf knows where we are!
	Roberto: Well good, maybe we can ask him where Jamie got off to.
	Sam: The squirt can't be more than a stone's throw from here...
	Jamie: Ow. That wasn't funny.
	Sam: At least you're not dead like me.
	Jamie: That was shameless product placement.
	Sam: Yeah. And now I'm gone.
	*Scene Change!*
	Kurt: No one will recognize me if I attach my face to Kitty's.
	Sam: That's horrible.
	Jubilee: I'm waiting for it to stop.
	Ray: I'm here too.
	Rogue: Yay! I get another line!
	Kitty: Okay, that's good.
	Kurt: Hey, I'm bored. Katzchen, want to have a naked lesbian orgy with my sister?
	Kitty: What, here?
	Kurt: Of co- eh? Sorry, sounds like my laundry is done. Back soon.
	*Scene Change!*
	Logan: Let's hurry this up. 'Berto and Popsicle are dead. Squirt's doin' good.
	Jamie: I feel special.
	*Scene Change!*
	Rahne: Body count's risin'...
	Rogue: I don't care that my friends are dying.
	Kitty: I hope Kurt comes back soon!
	*Scene Change!*

	Jamie: I'm multiplying like rabbits!
	Amara: I'm naturally dense.
	Jamie: I lose IQ points every time I walk into a tree.
	Logan: Great! Army of dimwits coming right up! Oh, Fireball, you're dead.
	Amara: Do I get a last request?
	Logan: Yes, and I'll tell you what it is.
	Amara: ... Never mind.
	*Scene Change!*
	Evan: I'm da 'phro, yo!
	Amara: That was a pointless declaration!
	Kitty: Okay, it's a picture of you wearing a barrel and being accosted by pygmies...
	Ray: And there's a duck on your head...
	Rahne: What's with the ball and chain saying 'thief'?
	Sam: We told you, it's another story.
	Kurt: AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
	Kitty: Wait Kurt, I want to - ah buggerit.
	Jamie: You can't hide! My Minions of Me are everywhere!
	*Scene Change!*
	Kurt: Jamie here... Jamie there... lots of Jamies everywhere! Wait, that's not a Ja-
	Jamie: Look out for that - ouch.
	*Scene Change!*
	Jamie: I'm my own second opinion. Kurt's not dead. Let's cart him off. End scene.
	*Scene Change!*
	Logan: I'm out of the loop on my own exercise.
	Rogue: Look at all the pretty Jamies...

	Kitty: I can't wait much longer!
	Logan: Look, there's Squirt and Squirt and Squirt.
	Jamie: Help! Aid! Assistance!
	*Scene Change!*
	Kurt: Whoa. Perceptional difficulties.
	Kitty: I'm sorry, Kurt, I couldn't wait. You missed it.
	Kurt: Damn.
	Jean: Did you know I'm psychic?
	Kurt: No, really?
	Jean: Even though this incarnation of me is not a doctor, I'm going to diagnose a concussion.
	Kurt: Can I talk to you anyway?
	Jean: Sure, I love showing off my powers.
	Kurt: Tell Jamie I'm going to get him for this.
	Jean: That's not very - ow! Okay, fine.
	*Scene Change!*
	Kitty: I'm ready to go again.
	Kurt: I can hardly wait.
	Kitty: You like to watch.
	Kurt: That's a shameless movie rip-off.
	Kitty: True. I'll distract you with food.
	Kurt: Dude, this is week-old ravioli.
	Kitty: Yeah, but I put parsley on it.
	Kurt: Katzchen, we have to review that list of things you may never do in the kitchen.
	Kitty: You mean the list that says, '#1: Be there'?
	Kurt: Yes. What part of that did you not understand?

	Kitty: The second word is vague.
	Logan: Keep it kindergarten-level, you two. Elf's had a hard day.
	Kurt: I know. There's a rock in my head and my brain is over there.
	Logan: Oh, and no sex.
	Kitty: Good thing he didn't see what I did with Rogue.
	Logan: Lucky for you I missed that story.
	Kitty: ...
	Kurt: Enough talking! End transmission!

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